Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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