Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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