My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
