I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
