he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
