and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize