this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
