I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
