I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
