No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
