we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
