East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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