"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am mentally ready for anal.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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