Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
