So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We left the knife in your bed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
