When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize