You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
