my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Panties = found
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