I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
