I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
