Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
