exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
