do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
