Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
