were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
