Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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