Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
