So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
