His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
