omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
