Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
