ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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