hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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