I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
