So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
