So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
