bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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