Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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