last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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