I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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