Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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