Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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