Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
