May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
