Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
