so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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