Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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