Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
