its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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