worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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