who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize