At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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