nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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