Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
