im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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