it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
