i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize