I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
