Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I will be naked everywhere
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
