I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
