you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
