i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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