it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
