it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
