guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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