well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
