Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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