Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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